Creative or Competitive?  5 Tips To Perfect The Dance of Balance

by Marianne Merritt Talbot, Esquire

Professional Coach, Modern Venus Ltd.  

In this hyper-competitive marketplace and uber-industrious country (Americans now work harder than any other modernized country – including Japan!) women often charge ahead in our careers and understandably adopt those behaviors we believe will be most beneficial in workplaces that remain traditionally masculine.  But at what cost?  “Traditional” male characteristics include being competitive, assertive, aggressive, independent, invincible, stoic, rational, objective, tough and ambitious.  These qualities are largely commendable, but if they entirely overpower qualities that are considered more traditionally female  (such as empathy, creativity, openness and nurturing), they can throw your personal and professional lives out of whack.  During my 14-year career as a litigator, I relentlessly pursued and adopted masculine characteristics as they particularly suited the rigor of the courtroom and the legal industry – but I paid a price.  Now as a lifestyle and professional coach, I work with clients whose equilibrium has been compromised and bring them back into balance so they can pursue extraordinary personal and professional lives.

            It is essential to understand that all human beings possess both feminine and masculine energies and qualities.  Therefore, as with everything in life, striking the right balance is imperative so that we can enjoy the full richness of our given existence. This includes balance in our personal lives, as well as in the traditional corporate culture.  In my case, I found several years into my career that although I excelled at litigating, I was completely out of balance because I had  “overachieved” in adopting masculine characteristics and ignored some of my natural feminine ones that previously brought me joy. 

The concept of “balance” is a distinctly individual one.  Balance is not something that is dictated by percentages (like the concept of “50/50”), and it is not “one size fits all,” because what keeps us balanced and centered in all of our masculine and feminine energies changes on daily, weekly, yearly, hormonal and seasonal bases.   Therefore, characterizing balance as a “dance” is a way to reflect that it requires different steps at different moments.

            Now that I have left the legal world and do professional coaching, I regularly see this energy imbalance – indeed, many of my clients come to me because they sense it themselves.   Accordingly, here are five tips I give my clients when they feel their masculine and feminine energies need a little tweaking or even an entire overhaul.  These tips are just the beginning, but form a great start! 

1.   Create a circle of supportive friends who you can talk to -- sometimes there is nothing better than “girl time,” right?  Talk openly and lovingly to your friends about keeping balance, about the stresses and joys in your life, and share creativity, joy, vulnerability, and togetherness.  However, one thing I recommend you do NOT do is use these groups as “bitch sessions.”  Keep gossip and negative talk about others to a minimum or not at all, as it only drags everyone down and creates bad energy and karma.   You want to use this group to elevate you and all its participants!

2. “Feminize” and personalize your office so it feels lovely, energizing and welcoming to you every time you walk in.  Indeed, view your office as a sanctuary – is that a new concept for you?  It is the place where you spend the most time during the day, so take the time (and invest a little money) to make it beautiful and elevating to you (within the confines of your office’s propriety).  Add personal touches like rugs, pillows, framed art, pictures of your family, flowers, music, etc.  Every time you walk in, you will feel more in touch with yourself, your creativity, your style. 

3.   Begin -- or get involved with -- a women’s issues committee at your office or in your industry.    This is a wonderful opportunity for you to actively contribute to bringing the world of the feminine into your workplace and in your industry. Think of that ubiquitous bumpersticker:  “Think Globally, Act Locally.”   Change is very slow if you only sit in your office and wait for someone to bring it to you on a silver platter! 

4.   Infuse creativity into your daily life.  Draw, write, paint, dance, design, daydream.  Creativity can also most easily be included by paying special attention to what you wear every day, since what you drape on your body includes creative elements of design, color, cut, and construction.  It can also include reading, even just for 20 minutes per day – in particular, enjoying inspiring books!   One of my newest favorite books that never fails to inspire:  “My Life in France” by Julia Child.   It takes you to Paris, sumptuously describes her world there and in Provence, and demonstrates how a woman can entirely change her life by simply following her heart.   And, of course, I recommend “Eat Pray Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert – a new modern classic. 

5.  Express gratitude every day.   Do so by keeping a “gratitude journal” where you write down at least three things every day that you are grateful for.   Another technique:  if you are feeling particularly stressed or upset (such as after a bumpy meeting and even in the midst of a conference or court hearing), take a deep breath and think of one or two things that you are grateful for right there and then (your income, your home, your friends, your companion animals, your family).  Another lovely way of showing gratitude is by saying grace over every meal (which you can do silently), expressing thanks for the food you are given, that you are loved and supported by friends and family, for the beautiful day, that you have an abundant life.   The consistent expression of gratitude will serve you well your entire life and will keep you in touch with your inner joy and the beauty of your daily life, particularly at times when you might feel a little challenged.

Please contact me if you have any feedback about these tips, and if you have any others!   I can be reached at MTalbot@ModernVenus.net.  Enjoy the dance!